One Month, Ten Lessons: Netherlands

It's been a hell of a month. Dammit, I gave up cursing for Lent. DOH! Okay, let's try this again...

On January 15, 2013, Vicki and I touched town in the Netherlands to begin another expat adventure.  We've learned so much in just a short time about the Netherlands and Dutch culture; partly due to our Intercultural Training course and our day-day experiences, that I felt we should share a little.  

So with out further ado I bring you:
"One Month, 10 Lessons: Netherlands."  



1. Cash Only Country
As the saying goes, "In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash."  In our town, credit cards are not as widely accepted as we thought they would be.  AMEX, is sparse and VISA is mostly limited to restaurants. For all other purchases such as groceries and train tickets,  cash and debit cards (MAESTRO) are the ways to go.  The Dutch just want your cold hard cash.  Smart folks.  



2.  It's Not Rude To Say "Sorry, I Don't Speak Dutch"  
It makes sense; you visit/live in a country, you attempt to speak the language to show respect.  In an attempt to be polite with our new hosts, Vicki and I tried to learn a few simple phrases in Dutch, namely, "Spreek je Engels?" (Do you speak English?)  Turns out this was the WRONG phrase to learn for a number of reasons.  First and foremost, folks we've met, speak and have a good grasp of English. Also, this phrase can sound a bit obnoxious and can also be the perfect setup for a joke when someone answers you in perfect English "No, I don't speak any English at all."

So we've learned that it's perfectly acceptable and polite to say, "Sorry I don't speak Dutch." But make sure you say it in your most awkward, broken English voice.  Vicki and I joke about which one of us says that phrase the funniest.  I'm currently winning.  

We've also found that when the English-Dutch and/or Other Language barrier is too great.  Just use hand gestures like the one pictured.  This particular gesture will get you a carafe of wine.  It works! See here.

3.  Paperwork, Paperwork & More Paperwork
You know, for a liberal country you sure have to muddle through a ton of paperwork to live here.  There's a great book called the "UnDutchables."  I think it's great required reading for anyone making the move to the Netherlands.  There's a chapter that discusses the trials and tribulations of the Immigration and Naturalization Department (IND).  The process of immigration is described as  frustrating, including multiple trips to a number of different government offices.  At first we thought that this was bunk.  We had a successful visit with the IND and it only took us one trip.  But the next task was to register at the town hall in Oss.  I now understood what the book was talking about.  Today marked my third trip to this building pictured below.  But it's official, Vicki and I are married and residents in the eyes of the the Dutch Government.

The Oss Town Hall

4.  Horse Meat--It's Apparently What's For Dinner.

http://professormungleton.blogspot.nl/2013/01/burgers-for-supper-neigh-thanks.html

Okay, no disrespect, but Vicki and I have noticed something.  All the food here seems to have this strange after taste, especially the meat.  Not sure if it's the oil or the type of mystery "meat" being used, but there is definitely some distinct after taste.  One late night after a few delicious Belgian Beers, we wondered to our local snack bar.  The menu, of course was all in Dutch, but with the help of a local, we ended up ordering fries with horse meat, based on his recommendation, "It's really nice!" he said. Horse meat? Really?  Talk about a distinct taste.  Well a few nights later, I swear I was eating it again in my spaghetti and meat sauce at the Italian place down the street.  It wasn't bad, but yet, it wasn't good either.  I might stick to chicken from here on out.    

5. My Washer and Dryer Are Smarter Than Me
In case you haven't caught my Adventures in Expat Laundry post, let me explain.  My appliances are multilingual, they speak French and Finnish.  Not only am I faced with the challenge of doing the wash, interpreting the instructions on the machine I have to determine which machine is speaking which language.  

My new multilingual BFFs

6. It Takes An Advanced Degree & A Tweet To Figure Out the Train Discount Card Programs
When you look up train times and tickets, they list the full fare price then the discounted prices.  Discount tickets? Don't mind if I do! Who doesn't like to save a euro or two.  After multiple search attempts and with the help of AmsterdamTips.com I finally figured out the discount scheme. But there was still the challenge of how to purchase said discount subscription. (I'll leave that for a future post.)  

I then learned there was another discount program good for international train travel across a number of European countries.  It's called the Rail Pass Plus.  But my searching attempts kept coming up empty.  Every site I found told me of the existence of this pass, but NO WAY to purchase it.  I finally found out, from a Belgium rail site, that you could buy them in the train stations.....in Belgian train stations.  Great.

As I continued scrutinizing the NS Highspeed site, I saw a link to their twitter account.  I thought, what the hell, let me try the power of Dutch Social Media.  Then this happened, in Dutch:

Actual Twitter Dialogue  

Well I got my question answered thanks to Twitter (and google translate). Apparently you can purchase them on their website at the link they provided. Ok, in my defense, since you're probably saying, why did you have so much trouble then? Well,  I tried to backtrack using their link to see if I could find the page on my own.  For the record, I still can't find it, so for now, at least I got the ow.ly.  


7. Carnaval In The Netherlands Is A Big Deal & My Landlord Has Great Stuff In The Attic
Move over Mardi Gras, there's a new Carnaval king in town and it's the Dutch.  Just think, 5 days of family friendly parades and parties under big tents with lots and lots of Heineken; that's Carnaval in the Netherlands.  What an experience and I am so glad we were here for it.  More on Carnaval in the Netherlands here.

Sweet Jacket Courtesy of the Owner of our Apartment.  Our Apartment ON THE PARADE ROUTE!

8. You Only Get 3 Chances To Talk To Your Waiter/Waitress In Restaurants; Make It Count
I had read that service in Dutch restaurants leaves a bit to be desired.  This was good preparation going into our first dining experiences here.  For example, you can be sitting with an empty drink for what seems like hours while you watch the bartender or server standing at the bar cleaning glass ware.  Or you can make direct eye contact with your server and signal that you are in need of say a napkin or water;  they then look at you (almost through you) and keep on walking.  

So that brings me to my learnings.  I've noticed the only times you get to talk to your server is when you are seated, when they bring your drink and when they bring your food.  Then you are own your own.  Yes, I'm familiar with the European dining culture vs American and understand that they do not work for tips and they do not want to rush you.  But come on, what's a guy gotta do to get another beer?  We now know, to treat each interaction with our server as a special moment, one not to be taken for granted.  

9. Make Sure to Bring Your Elbows to the Grocery Store

HAMSTERS MEAN SAVINGS!!!!

The Dutch are very direct, in words and in the grocery store. For example, you're in front of the refrigerators where they keep bagged lettuce and other prepared vegetables trying to find out what exactly a "wortel" is (it's a carrot BTW) and 2 or 3 fellow shoppers almost collide into you AND each other as they reach for a bag of Japanese Salad Mix. I thought, not big deal I was clogging up the aisle, shame on me.  I then walked a bit further down to look at some more veggies, and DAM, it happens again. Some dude flies right into me for a bag of peas.  Alright.  I've learned my lesson.  My next trip to the grocery I have to be prepared to throw some elbows if someone gets in front of my bag of wortels.  

10.  Outdoor Urinals Are Popular and Plentiful
This might be one of my favorite things about the Netherlands. Yes, I realize I have the sense of humor of a 5 year old. But hey, when you gotta go; say right after Mass lets out at St. John's Cathedral in Den Bosch, you're in good shape because there's a urinal just a stone's throw away.  I like the way the Dutch think.

Urinal in foreground, Cathedral in the background

They even set up portable ones for celebrations.

Honorable Mentions

These weren't exactly Top 10 material but they deserved recognition as well:

-Banking.  Don't expect to cash a check here in the Netherlands.  We had a check from our Irish Gas Company that we brought and tried to cash it here.  Turns out it would have taken 4-6 weeks, and the fees to cash it would have cost us about 16% of the check's value.  Not worth it.

-Dutch Websites.  Google Chrome is your best friend

-Learning Dutch. Need help with learning dutch numbers?  Stay up late, there's plenty of scantly clad ladies eager to help you by giving out their phone numbers.  Got this piece of advice from one of my favorite #expat blogs, "Invading Holland."  If you're an expat in the Netherlands, check out Stu, he's the man. 

When another month passes, I'll bring you another segment of "One Month, Ten Lessons."  

Cheers to the weekend everyone!

Adventures in Irish & Dutch Laundry

Laundry.  It's a love hate relationship.  

We love the scent and crispness of a freshly cleaned load .

We hate separating lights & darks, and figuring out the difference between delicates & permanent press

We love it when it's warm right out the dryer or straight off the sun kissed clothesline. 

We hate folding, no we really hate folding.

We also hate it when it does this....

Adventures in Irish Laundry: Take #1

My first adventures in laundry began in college, where I learned that wool sweaters are powerless against dryers.  Once I was married, I assumed the role of launderer, not sure how exactly, just happened.  Naturally I carried my laundry responsibilities with me as my wife and I set out on our expat adventures, first in Ireland, now in the Netherlands.  

It's a simple process really.  Add clothes, add water, add soap and let the machine work it's magic.  Then take out clothes and but into the other machine to dry and boom, done.  But you see that second part about putting the clothes into another machine, well, that wasn't an option in our home in Ireland.  My wife and I assumed the property had one of those washer/dryer combo units, which apparently exist.  It wasn't until our walk through of the property that we realized the only function that this machine in OUR KITCHEN was to wash, not dry.

I loved my wife's question to the relocation agent.  "Well, how do we dry clothes in a place where it rains all the time?"  She then explained the "hot press" concept to us.  There was a closet or press, upstairs where the hot water pipes ran.  This was your hot press, and this is how you dried clothes.  Worked like a charm if you didn't need your jeans for about a week.    So I had to resort to stringing our clothes up on the line outside.  But you know that Irish weather.

Eventually I got the hang of things in Ireland.  Who knew that door jams and light fixtures made for great locations to hang drying clothes.  But the one thing I just could never get right was the washer.  Well, as a cousin of mine said, in response to this pic.  "Just grab a mop. 2 problems solved!"

"Just grab a mop. 2 problems solved!"

Flash forward to present day life in the Netherlands. The first question I asked before moving: " Does the apartment have a dryer?"  Well, it certainly does, BUT, I'm now faced with a whole new set of challenges, Dutch instructions.  Not only on the bottles of detergent but also on the machines (so I thought).  

So can you picture this? Me is a confined laundry room where the door closes behind you staring blankly at a washer & dryer.  I then grab a bottle of detergent and take out my iPhone. With the help of Google Translate I discover the purple label is for colors and the green is for active wear?
I don't know, I've just been using the purple bottle and crossing my fingers.  White technically is a color right?

Then I come to the challenge of actually using these machines.

Uh.........Goggle, little help?  So I try to translate "VAR PUUVILLA" from Dutch to English and I get, "VAR PUUVILLA." Son of a......  I try it again, maybe I missed spelled it.  Same thing "VAR PUUVILLA."  Then I think, this is Dutch right?  WRONG!  Turns out the machines speak Finnish.  At least that's the language Google detected.  So here's an English speaking American, living in a Dutch speaking country doing laundry with machines that speak Finnish.  What a world.  

Okay, I've figured out the Dutch detergent and the Finnish instructions but the one thing I simply CANNOT figure out is why it takes SO long to both wash and dry a load?  Yeah, that screen reads 1 HOUR and 25 minutes. 

Today, after 50 minutes in the dryer my clothes were still damp.  At this point I was ready to mail them to Ireland to dry.  But I could tell something was wrong.  I would set the timer then the dryer would shut off after a minute.  So,  I look closer at the screen then say to myself out loud "What the hell is 'BAC PLEIN'?"  GOOOOOGLE, HELP!  So I turn to my iPhone, translate "BAC PLEIN" from Finnish into English and get "BAC PLEIN" Son of a......  Alright Google, you tell me what language this is; it detected French.  So "BAC PLEIN" means "TANK FULL."  Oh, that clears things up.  WHERE THE HELL IS THE TANK!!  Luckily the owner of the apartment was around this afternoon and I inquired about the problem.  Turns out there is a tray that fills up with water and needs to be emptied.  I did not know that.  Alright, so I think I am finally prepared to do a load of laundry here in the Netherlands with my Finnish washer and my French dryer.  Am I right?  I shouldn't expect anymore surprises right?  That Irish hot press is looking really good right now.

Do you have any expat laundry stories to share?    Please tell me I'm not alone.  Thanks!