What the EF is Efteling?

I began accumulating these "€10 Kortings Coupons" after a few trips to the Albert Heijn grocery store.  Of course, I had no idea what they were or how to use them.  But rather than asking in broken English like a normal expat, I would just nod my head at the cashier girl and she would hand me another coupon. After the fourth blank stare head nod, I worked up the courage to ask what exactly I was receiving.

At first the cashier was a bit startled by my English; my regular checkout gal wasn't working that day.  She "explained me" that the coupons were for Efteling.  Oh, okay, that clears things up, of course Efteling.  WHAT THE EF WAS EFTELING?!?  She could see my look of befuddlement with her explanation, so she proceeded to ask her cashier colleague in the next lane over "Efteling in Engles?"  Her colleague couldn't translate so she proceeded to shout down to the next cashier.  I was slowly becoming part of an odd game of "Whisper Down the Supermarket Checkout Lanes."  I was mortified.  Everyone was looking at the goofy American wearing a Phillies hat.  I was thinking to myself:  "This Efteling thing better be ef-ing fantastic."   Now the entire row of checkout girls were all shouting in Dutch to each other.  I thought I overheard one of them say "roller coaster," but she was about five lanes down. As they continued chattering and laughing, a fellow shopper came to my aid with the following words: "Amusement Park."  A-HA!  Now I remembered.  Efteling is like the Dutch DisneyWorld and these were coupons for discount admission to the park.  Brilliant!  I thanked that kind Dutch man and the entire staff of the Albert Heijn for their translation assistance with a sincere "Dank u wel" and walked home.  

Voiceover:  "Dan Szostek, you were just in the most embarrassing/most awesome Albert Heijn checkout experience of your life.  What are you going to do now?"

Me:  "I'M GOING TO EFTELING!" 

EDITOR'S NOTE:  After reading a few TripAdvisor reviews we decided it wasn't for us.  It does seem to be a nice place for families, thrill ride seekers and people who like stage shows with pyrotechnics; but honestly this wizard guy creeped me out .  Decide for yourself at http://www.efteling.com/

Screenshot from efteling.com with creepy wizard.

#expatproblems: hulu

I had some time on the train last night, so I did what any other person without a data plan on their phone does while they are on a train; I played solitaire and looked through old pictures.

I stumbled upon a strange one.  It was a screen shot of hulu.com.  If you're unfamiliar with hulu, it's a streaming video service for television shows.  Vicki and I aren't huge television people, but there are some shows that we like to catch like: The Office, 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, ABC's The Bachelor (wait what?!?, I'll admit it, we watch ABC's The Bachelor, mostly to make fun and to get date ideas)  As we became familiar with our Dutch cable we learned that the main English comedy options were reruns of Seinfeld, Friends, Dharma & Greg, and The Ellen Show (we actual grew to like Ellen DeGeneres, she's kind of funny; who knew.) Now, don't get me wrong, this was all quality programming especially when your other options were a Dutch version of skating with the (washed up) stars; a group of Dutch people sitting around a table and and arguing in Dutch with each other; and of course the light night ladies helping you practice counting in Dutch by offering you their phone numbers.    

A commercial for Olive Garden on hulu

Then a light went off!  hulu.com could help!  It was wonderful, we were catching up on our comedies and judging the newest crop of wackos on ABC's The Bachelor. (Was there really a jumbotron operator this season?)  But then after two nights the party was over.  

You the reader: "Wait; Dan, you said it only worked for two night?  What happened?  Didn't you get to see who got the final rose and a proposal for a failed marriage?"

Me the writer:  "Nope."

While trying to begin an episode of 30 Rock we got the message below.  The gig was up or was it?  With a simple refresh of my screen about 3-4 times, the show would start playing.  This refresh strategy worked a few more times after that but then they caught on to my scheme and shut us down completely.  

I clicked "here", but it didn't help.  

Oh well.  We never saw the final rose but we still had Ellen Shows from October of 2012.   

The Trashman Cometh

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!" I shout as I spring from our uncomfortable double bed on a crisp Netherlands morn.  "That noise, where is it coming from?  It sounds like a garbage truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant. "  I then peer out the window to discover I was half right.

Enjoy my trashy video.

Friday Fails

Since it's just the two of us during the evenings; my wife and I spend the time talking about each other's day.  You know, like this Seinfeld clip....

There have been a few conversations where we'll describe a certain day as a "Fail Day."  Not sure how it started, but we just started using that term to describe a crappy day. Now, we all have bad days,  it's just life. But I got to thinking about how a "Fail Day(s)" might be different for an expat.  

It seems when you're living abroad the smallest stumbles can really break you down.  When something goes wrong, it just hits an expat harder. I think there are a number of reasons behind this:

1.) LIMITED SUPPORT SYSTEM.  My wife and I haven't been here long, so we really don't have a support network to share and compare our frustrations. It's just us. Blogging, expat websites (see below) and twitter, has allowed me to compile a small network, which has been useful for venting, sharing and learning. Thanks to @Momofthreeunder , @escapebrussels & @gjamh ! Give their blogs a read here & here.  

2.) EXPERIENCE.  You've done a task like the one before you hundreds of times back in your home country. So why is it so hard to do now?  Examples like: paying for groceries, making  bank transactions and doing the laundry are all routine things.  But for an expat these activities and others must be relearned all over again with the little nuances that come with your host country.

3.) FAST FORWARDING  While we were in Ireland, a co-worker presented a unique observation about the life of an expat.  When you are growing up, everything happens in stages. You learn to walk,  you learn to talk, you learn how to interact with others. Then you learn more complex tasks, like shopping, eating, banking, driving etc. All of these activities span the course of some 15-16 years.  However, for an expat all of these events occur again, only this time, they are in fast forward and you have to do them all in the course of a day or a week.

So I'm going to play around with the idea of a weekly post, called "Friday Fails."  But this post and future posts are not meant to be "whoa is me" like stories.  I'm not into that.  More like, here's where we screwed up and here's how we tried to correct it.  Hopefully there's something here that future expats can learn from.  Sound good?  Alright, here I go.  Hope you enjoy. 

This Week In Fail Days

• Learning that our Dutch bank charges €7 Euro for direct deposits.  I thought I was pretty clear in my question when we opened the account about any associated charges. And the Dutch banker was very clear in his response that there were no charges with the account.    LESSON: Always read the fine print, even if it's in Dutch

• Having your debit card denied at the Albert Heijn (grocery store) This has the be the worst, especially when the line behind you continues to grow and the stares feel like lasers on the back of your neck.                                                                                                                   LESSON: Make sure you have cash on hand at all times.

• Spending days and days researching; translating, and tweeting to figure out how to apply for a discount train pass.  Only to find out after purchasing your subscription that it's not valid until weeks later.                                                                                                                           LESSON: The National Rail Company of the Netherlands, NS (Nederlandse Spoorwegen) is extremely responsive and loving via twitter, @NS_online.  Just read their profile:  "This is the official NS Twitter account. We love you 24/7 at the height of the current situation. Monday / Friday from 8h to 18h we live for you."  For international rail travel questions try tweeting @NSHispeed, equally as responsive.  The funny part was I tweeted them both in Dutch with the help of Google Translate.  I never thought about writing them in English. 
  Another great reference for figuring out public transport is AmsterdamTiPS.com .  These guys run an up to date and well maintained site with helpful information for visitors and expats.  They were also very responsive through email to my questions.  

To the denied credit card user goes the whiskey.

• Watching powerless as your VISA card does not work at a restaurant that advertises they accept credit cards. LESSON:  This has happend twice and both situations really ticked me off.  When it happend the first time I begrudgingly accepted the machine failure and forked over all my cash. Even though I had used my card successful two days before at this very restaurant!  But I wasn't going down so easily when it happened again at another restaurant.  I noticed that a customer ahead of me paid with credit and it worked fine.  But when I confidently put my card in next, the machine decides to go on the fritz.  I was going to wait this one out and demand that they take the card.  Looking back, I felt bad for the young waitress, she did her best and was on the phone for 20 minutes trying to rectify the situation.  Seeing her struggle, my black heart softened and I told her I had enough cash to cover.  BUT!  "How about a glass of Jameson on the house?"  She obliged and proceeded to give me the largest pour of whiskey I'd ever had.  Moral of the story: If your card doesn't work, see if you can get something on the house!

• Thinking train tickets for a trip to Cologne, Germany would be cheaper if you buy them a day before the trip?                                                                                                                      LESSON:  Buy early and save.  This is sort of a universal truth right?   

Feel free to describe your own fail days in the comments below.  

Ending on a depressed note is NOT something I want to do on a Friday. So, to use another Seinfeld reference,  I'll try to "Always leave on a high."  So here's a picture of me and a giant Lindt Truffle.  

Cheers to the weekend!

Some Great Expat Websites:

Wordless Wednesday: King Bandit

Bandit & Malahide Castle; Malahide, Co Dublin.  July 5, 2012

Unfortunately, Bandit could not accompany Vicki and I on our latest expat journey to the Netherlands. He's still back in the States.  We certainly had a blast with him in Ireland.   Miss you Bandito.  

Has this ever happened to you?

"Come on Apple Maps, where is the Cologne Cathedral?"